When Friday Didn’t Happen

When Friday Didn’t Happen

AKA the day my bestie (Friday) showed up like a huge, cranky a-hole. Do you ever just have one of those days where you feel bleh and everything feels way too hard and like too much effort? Yeah–totally me Friday all weekend. I’m patting myself on the back for putting on deodorant, feeding myself and wearing clothes that weren’t yoga pants. You go Glen Cocoa.

I also promised myself to keep it 100 with you people on here and never write just because I felt like I should. Sooooo I didn’t. *shrug* This basicallllly sums up my entire weekend…

lounging

(That ottoman life )

Remember how I also thought I had an ulcer? And then I THOUGHT it had been resolved? Yeahhhhhhhh about that. I’ve been living off of oatmeal, chicken sausage and saltines (and one glass of wine-yolo) for about 5 days now with no avail–le sigh. Fingers crossed I get that ish figured out before Christmas because my plans include copious amounts of food and cocktails and I refuse to miss out! #falalalalame

sherman bathroom

 

I also took about 7 Epsom salt baths…with this creep in toe. Get a cat they said. They’re less high maintenance they said.  LOL

Somehow I managed to drag my body out to run the usual weekend shopping errands to meal plan for the week. Drag=hunching my body over the front end of the cart=I looked STUNNING this weekend 😀

Weekly Eats

Monday: Leftovers/On my own. Hubs is out this evening soooooo. IE oatmeal, chicken sausage and saltines? 😉

Tuesday: Rotisserie chicken with pesto, broccoli and spaghetti squash/noodles ( I bet you can guess who’s eating the veggies in this meal) 🙂

Wednesday: Burgers and Alexia Sweet Potato Fries plus salad

Thursday: Chicken “Alfredo” (potential recipe!) with zoodles.

Friday: Everything delicious because it’s holiday time!

That’s all I’ve got for ya! Aside from this gem a friend sent me today because she said it made her think of me. CLEARLY she knows me 😉

meme.jpg

^ Also how I feel currently when trying to self diagnose myself and Ursula (<—Ulcer)

Happy Holiday Week!

XO

What I Shoved in My Mouth Wednesday

What I Shoved in My Mouth Wednesday

Yesterday was weird. You guys, I have been convinced for the last three days now that I have an ulcer. I realize this as an absurd thought because: A. I live a pretty healthy lifestyle and B. I am not 70 years old. But no joke, Google symptoms of an ulcer and I’ve pretty much been experiencing all of them. Thankfully, Dr. Google was NOT right this time (I know…this is shocking) and it appears to be related to PMS (sorry to the 2 dudes who read this blog). So basically, I just ate whatever sounded like a good idea at the time.

breakfast

Started off the day with this classy breakfast served on my best china. Trader Joe’s GF oatmeal packet with a little stevia and butter de peanuts in it. Plus a side of Brat Hans Breakfast Chicken Sausages. <—-GET THESE. It’s a sad day when even coffee doesn’t sound good. Gasp

lunchlunch 2

I ate zero things in between breakfast and lunch because I was certain my ulcer was going to rupture and I was way too busy for that 😉 For lunch I hit up this amazing and extravagantly expensive salad spot downtown. It’s like $11 bucks for that thing but it’s all non-GMO, organic, gluten-free heaven in your mouth. Basically just chicken with a hot mess of veggies and TRUFFLE OIL dressing. Will pay $11 for truffles.

tea

Apparently ulcers hate vegetables so I coasted through the afternoon on some ginger tea.

banananuts

And then decided I wasn’t going down without a fight so attempted a banana and those TRUFFLE (can’t stop.won’t stop) almonds from TJ’s. Literally, I only ate that handful. Fighting with caution?

meatballs

These were supposed to be for dinner. But the only thing that sounded good and that I had time for after a series of unfortunate events, was a handful of Siete Foods Tortilla chips, 2 leftover chicken wings and 4 celery sticks–so that’s what I ate instead. Not even mad about it. #dinnerofchamps #blametheulcer

night tea

Before I fell asleep at approximately 8:03 PM I had a cup of this magic plus an (unpictured) actual sugar cookie–because cookies cure everything.

And magically today I feel BETTER. Which, in conclusion: Ulcers hate vegetables. Ulcers love cookies. Ulcers = my husband? JK 🙂 OBVIOUSLY the actual lesson is that Christmas Sugar Cookies solve all problems 😉

 

Disclaimer: zero scientific studies have shown cookies cure diseases. I can only speak from personal experience 😉 

XO

 

 

Easy Asian Turkey Bowl

Easy Asian Turkey Bowl

Who else loves cooking but hates cooking!? (No I have not been drinking) Listen, I love food. I also am weird and love grocery stores. Like I could roam down the aisles looking at cool products, thinking up interesting ideas in my mind far longer than what’s probably considered normal. Actually, I legit used to do that in college. You have you’re Ramen..I’ll be over here by the bee pollen and fine cheeses. #wholefoodsismatherapy. Also, let’s clarify this is “leisure” shopping–NOT your Sunday, beat the church crowd, get trapped in Target parking lot, spend your day meal planning shopping. God knows I would WAY rather be spending my time in my sweats, catching up on Vanderpump Rules over a massive cup of coffee then doing that every week. BTW..this season is already ON POINT.

vpump

(Photo from E! Online—obsessed)

ANYWAY, my love hate relationship with cooking is similar to that of grocery shopping. Like, throw me in the kitchen to whip something up that’s creative, but easy; but tell me I need to cook a turkey, create a roux or chop up more than three items and I’ll probably LOL at you. For real, hosting Thanksgiving this year and my decision to cook a turkey—throwing that at the top of the bad ideas list. Why is there no exact timing as to when a turkey will be done cooking?! Literally never the same for anyone! #mysteriesoflife

So that brings me to why the first name of this blog is K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid/Smarty/Sexy –whatever leaves you the least offended) because that’s what I shoot for–and this recipe is no exception! We’ve already established the hubs has a palate with the refinery of a nine year old, so when I make something he “loves” you best know I’ll be publishing it!

Let me just preface this by saying I’m also the WORST recipe writer of all time. The measurements below are basically just estimates because..EASY people. Just dump a little more of everything here and there to your liking 🙂

Easy Asian Turkey Bowl

bowl 2 fav

Makes 4 Servings

For the Meat

  • 3-4 green onions (just the green portion)
  • 1 lb ground turkey
  • 1 tsp sesame oil
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • Salt and Pepper
  • 1 tsp sriracha
  • Dash of Coconut Aminos (can sub Soy Sauce or Tamari)

For the Sauce

  • 3/4 – 1 cup Coconut Aminos (or Soy Sauce or Tamari)
  • 1/2 Tbsp honey
  • 1/4 tsp garlic powder
  • dash ginger
  • 1 tsp sesame oil
  • 1-2 tsp siracha
  • 1/4 tsp fish sauce (optional–it smells like foot but adds some real good flavor I swear)

Directions: Start with the sauce. Throw all ingredients into a bowl and whisk. Pour sauce into a small skillet and turn to medium heat. Once sauce is simmering, continue to simmer until it reaches a consistency similar to syrup (~10 min). While sauce is heating,  heat 1 tsp sesame oil over medium heat in a separate medium skillet. While your oil heats, chop your green onion.* Once medium skillet is hot, add ground turkey and break apart.  Once meat is almost cooked through, add onions, garlic powder, salt and pepper, sriracha and Coconut Aminos. Cook until no longer pink. Top meat with sauce and enjoy over rice, caulirice, rice noodles–whatever your heart desires. I also like to get a little fancy and throw in some easy Asian sauteed cabbage, more green onion, jalapeno, TJ’s green dragon hot sauce and approximately 47 handfuls of cilantro because #cilantroislife.

*TIP: Cut your green onion with a kitchen shears! LIFESAVING. It will save you SO much time and they’ll look all fancy and uniform.

Annnnnnd now how my food actually looks when I eat it 🙂 Smashed up into a hot mess of yum.

close up mashedbowl-from-top-mashed.png

 

Enjoy!

XO

A Weekend of Epic (pro)Portions—of Wine

A Weekend of Epic (pro)Portions—of Wine

Can we just talk about the phenomenon I’d like to call ” somehow you can drink 27 glasses of wine with your friends without dying even though you usually only drink 2″? HOW? How does this happen you guys? On a typical Friday and Saturday night I get two glasses in, and my body sends out a life alert signal reminding me I am nearly 30 and hello…two glasses is enough lady. So why is it the minute it’s ladies night, that bottle of rose becomes my own personal juice box and my body is immediately preparing itself for the next prohibition? Does this happen to anyone else? #notmadaboutit

napkin

(Appropriate.)

Cue “somehow you can drink 27 glasses of wine with your best friends without dying even though you usually only drink 2” phenomena this weekend. Plus an epic cheese board..because obvs.

cheese plate

(#roseallday –literally..all.day. Also spotted: My favorite cheese of all time )

all the wine

(Trophies—:D *shrug*)

Saturday I awoke from my slumber with care (literally with care because my body was like WHAT DID YOU DO), in hopes that the hangover ferry would soon be there—-with 7 Propel Waters and a massive plate of bacon and eggs. <—-Didn’t happen. So instead I chugged a water, 2 iced coffees, 3 ibuprofen, and a partridge in a pear tree a large plate of bacon and eggs that I somehow managed to throw together; and then forced myself into the 20 degree tundra to get groceries for the week. WHY DO I LIVE WHERE THE AIR HURTS MY FACE?

Eats for the week:

Monday: Easy Asian Turkey Bowls (recipe coming soon!)

Tuesday: Steak with Goat Cheese Roasted Red Pepper Sauce (coming soon!) over caulimash OR zoodles OR caulirice —–my struggle to make decisions is REAL

Wednesday: Leftovers

Thursday: Aidell’s caramelized onion meatballs with caulimash

Friday: Out

Annnnnnd here’s what I bought. Because I’m also nosy AF and love to see what other people buy 😀

WF eats

(Seriously WF tuna…HEARTS)

TJ eats

(oh cauliflower dip…I have BIG plans for youuuuu)

Targ eats

(Anyone else’s husband/wife/SO tell you they “need” processed staples in their diet to stay alive? )

Rounded out an exhilarating Saturday watching a new documentary on Netflix–Voyeur. YOU GUYS. This guy just creeped on people in a motel room he owned FOR YEARS. Like took peeping Tom to a WHOLE new level. You’ll legit want to take a shower immediately and never stay in a hotel again. But IT.IS.FASCINATING.

movie

Oh look. More wine. *nervous smile emoji* I mean, it’s basically Siberia outside here so all the indoor activities. Plus YOLO? I’m supporting local businesses? #theyhadmeatfreemeatandcheese

truffle

girls day

Giving three cheers (literally) to a fab weekend! Have a great Monday Friends!

 

XO

Friday.My Bestie.

Friday.My Bestie.

Friday. My bestie. My light at the end of the tunnel. My motivation to get through a hectic week. My drinking buddy. I heart you. Please never leave me. Is it too early for wine? *stares at clock* That about sums up this week of insanity. Anyone else? Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Cue Fergie and B-A-NA-NA-S.

Aside from a Christmas Cookie with my breakfast, let’s just talk about the things that are making my world go round this week.

This Podcast

pod

You guys, I LOVE murder. Ok, let’s call it true crime. Like, I honestly hope I’m never in a situation where a real crime goes down, because they’d search my phone and TV and computer history and I’d be SC-REWED. Don’t judge. You KNOW you all secretly find it fascinating! This Podcast is HILAR. 3 chicks holding it down for MN, telling true crime stories and making me almost pee my pants. Seriously the best. Plus, they literally drink wine the entire time. Uhhh HI…can we be besties?

HER

My daughter “Niece”. I literally CANNOT. My best friend makes THE cutest humans of all time. I feel like it’s not even fair to be this cute as a baby? Apologizing to my wallet in advance for all donations to Target I’m making to buy ALL the foo foo girly clothes for her. #supermodelstatus

Wine of the Week

wine

Should this be a thing? I mean I’ve posted all of three times and I think I’ve managed to mention wine in all of them sooooooo? Tis the season for a Cab that looks cool AF, doesn’t leave you with a hangover AND tastes like magic. <—-clearly not a SOMM.

The Best Cheese I’ve Ever Had

cheese

I realize this is a bold statement but IT’S SOAKED IN WINE. Need I really say more?

Controlling my Cortisol

pilates

I’ve been digging my programmed workouts from Creative Results Fitness. Like FINALLY someone who knows what they’re doing and actually makes me want to work out. BUT my muscles were like expired laffy taffy (you know..when they get all hard and transition from being classified to a chewy candy to a hard candy), I couldn’t touch my fingers to the ground when I bent over annnnnd I have zero patience to mediate to control my stress soooooo THIS has been a game changer. Pilates..I see you ❤

Nog your average coffee creamer 

nog

See what I did there? This is where I wink and nudge you with my elbow while saying “eh”.  This takes coffee to a whole new holiday level. And if you don’t like eggnog….bye Felicia. JK but seriously…try this anyway because it’ll blow your minddddd.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS

This sugar cookie recipe. Committed 4 Lyfe

This Tradition.

I’ll take this in a small please and thanks

That’s all friends! Have a happy Friyay! I’m off to work on my fitness and then wash it down with glass (or 5) of Vino with the ladies!

XO

Unclever Food Post Title Wednesday

Unclever Food Post Title Wednesday

Yeah. I did that. *points up* What actually happened was that I was doing approximately 205340 things yesterday and failed at taking pictures of any of my eats for a What I Ate Wednesday post.  Starts food blog—forgets to take pictures of food. Really killin it Kels. 😀 Instead I’ll just leave you all in anticipation for next week; but side note, Whole Foods tuna salad is heart eyes emoji’s.

cookies.png

(what I was doing instead of documenting my eats. #priorities)

Instead, lets just talk about some of my favorite meals that I WOULD be eating from my blogger friends around the web. I’ll clarify 99% of them do not know we are friends yet—I’ve just creeped and obsessed over their blogs for years, and they’re the lady boss’s who have inspired me to publicly share my life with the world–I am SURE of it you are all SO THANKFUL for that right now 😉

Gina over at The Fitnessista: Stuffed Chicken

engegement dinner

She seriously has some of the best “healthy” recipes that actually taste good ( most are GF, paleoish) and her kids are way too stinkin cute. This is a super oldie but goodie recipe but it was the first meal I made my now husband when we first started dating AND the meal he made me the night he proposed. I know…he’s romantic AF. 😀 Clearly, you can’t actually see the chicken very well in this photo because my photography skills then were ON POINT– but nostalgia people.

Tina over at Carrots n’ Cake: Cheesy Garlic and Herb Brussels Sprouts with sausage

brussels.png

(Photo courtesy carrotsncake.com)

So listen, this is ACTUALLY the blog the started it all for me. Every time you read a post or make a recipe of hers it kind of feels like you’re just hanging out with a friend you’ve known forever. Annnnnd now she’s ma boss..hayyyyyyy <–more to come on that later. And no..I was not bribed or paid to write this shout out *hides free swag*  J/K!  I think I’ve eaten this recipe close to 100 times already and it NEVER gets old. So EASY. #brussels4lyfe

Juli at PaleOmg: Almost 5 Ingredient Spaghetti Pie

spaghetti pie

(Photo courtesy Paleomg.com)

Listen, that question when they ask what 5 things do you need on a desert island if you’re stranded? THIS. YOU NEED DIS. It’s 5 ingredients. It’s paleo. It makes amazing leftovers. It suits the pallet of a 30 year old man who eats like an 8 year old (love you hubby 🙂 ). Don’t ask questions–just do. Plus, if you haven’t checked out her stuff yet, she is funny AF and has THE best Insta Stories. I swear we’d be BFF in real life. Juli, if you’re reading and ever in MN…:)

Designed to Fit Nutrition: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Protein Balls

cookie dough balls.PNG

(Photo courtesy designedtofitnutrition.com)

Ummm hellerrrr (hello)? Must I really say more? Cookie dough. Minus the Crap. And the guilt. Selfish plug that I get to surround myself with these amazing women too. Lemme just say…if you’re struggling with your nutrition goals…I know a place *nudge nudge*

On that note, the hanger is now real and Sherman is giving me the “feed me immediately or I promise to keep you awake all night running up and down the hallway at full speed for no reason” look.

sherman

#MOOD

Any fav’s you can’t live without in your meal rotation?

 

XO

 

Rice Krispies Treats for Breakfast

Rice Krispies Treats for Breakfast

So it snowed last night in the Twin Cities and let me just say, it’s a beaut Clark. What is not a beaut is that it had rained all day yesterday and THEN snowed, which essentially turned all roads and major highways into a giant ice skating rink.

blog birthday snow pic

Listen, as a born and raised mid-westerner, it’s 100% true that we’re primed to take on the tundra-esque elements of winter in a vehicle–ANY vehicle. *Shout to my mom’s blue Chevy Nova that got us through the Halloween blizzard of 91’* And while also doing so with a friendly smile, a courteous wave and welcomed right of way—because MN nice don’t ya know. I’m actually not kidding when I say that. I tried driving in New York once and it was only then that I realized that what I ASSUMED was road rage (angry, judgy eyes and a potential profanity you can see someone whispering under their breathe) was clearly underestimating the term compared to what the rest of the country was doing (insert every profanity and threatening hand gesture here).

sherman

(Actual response from Sherman when asked how he feels about the snow)

ANYWAY, regardless, I was NOT about to risk my life pulling some vehicular Cirque du Soleil moves for 2 hours trying to get anywhere today, so thankfully I’m able to WFH. Also supes thankful because I, in turn, got to enjoy my coffee out of a mug AND with a side of Rice Krispie Treats. Ok, so maybe like a small bite because I’m trying this whole interesting carb backloading thing right now–that’s another day another post. BUT you best believe the hubs enjoyed and they’re going to be making a regular appearance around here.

coffee 2 close up.png

Friends…I bring you the ultimate (mostly) macro friendly, minimal ingredient, protein Rice Krispies Treats. Who DIDN’T (doesn’t ?) love these things?! Who’s thinking of their grandmother stirring up a pot of warm marshmallow goo right now? *raises hand* Or reminiscing on living off these things as an after school snack *raises both hands* Sit back, relax, allow your childhood nostalgic memories to set in and enjoy these babies without the guilt.  I’ll just leave this right here for you….

edit 1

 

Gluten Free Protein Rice Krispies Treats

Makes 12 bars (servings)

Directions: Put cereal and protein powder into a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, mix honey and almond butter and heat until smooth (~ 10-15 seconds). Combine all ingredients into the large mixing bowl and gently mix until all combined. Press mixture into 8X8 baking dish lined with wax or parchment paper. Refrigerate or freeze until cooled and firm (at least one hour). Cut into 12 squares. House immediately.

Macros (per 1 bar) 20 C  7 P  6 F

 

XO